Old-School favourites re-styled to address modern issues.

*Warning: Childhood may be ruined*

1. Humpty Dumpty’s Habitual Drinking.

‘Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, casually consuming hard liquor in front of us all.

Due to the excessive amounts of alcohol and poor life choices, Humpty soon began to hear strange voices.

All the kings horses and all the kings men, came to take Humpty to rehab again.’

2. Little Red Riding Hoodlem.

‘Once upon a time yeah, there was this peng ting who lived on the outskirts of the manor.

Man saw that gal rare ya get me?

One day her old lady came back to the yard all upset and crying and that, telling gal her granny is bare sick and she should go see her.

Respect to her cause she did (you wouldn’t catch man doin’ that no way, mans too busy on road getting that P), looking buff in a tight red top, rah! She knows init!

So she takes some food and that shit, to give to her nan, who happens to live in the woods. The woods bruv! That’s a madness- yo who lives in the woods? Is she a bear yeah?

I had to link next gal, so man followed her to her nans house (ay yo don’t be thinking mans a creep and that!)

So I gets to a house in the woods yeah and I’m trying to get another look at shorty in that red top but it looks like nobody’s home- but the door was open, still!

It’s not breaking and entering if you didn’t break nuttin’ you know.

I’m thinking the gaff is empty and I’m seeing bare antiques and that, and you know man always carries a backpack- When in the woods right?

*BANG*- next thing I know mans been shanked.

Wrong house init.

3. The Marital Problems of Jack & Jill.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to live a happy life.

Jack bent down without a frown and asked Jill to be his wife.

Ten years dragged on and Jill would always cry.

Jack was drunk and angry so he blackened her eye.


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