Hating yourself makes it beyond impossible to begin appreciating everything you have in life.
Feeling more than worthless and unworthy at any point let alone on a daily basis often makes things difficult to deal with- the smallest interactions with the outside world, even looking at your own reflection in the mirror.
It all becomes a little distorted and the lines become blurred and unreadable.
Keeping it together is the hardest task you do throughout the day which in turn makes enjoying a job you worked so hard to get because you had interests, genuine interests and goals you were so excited to reach, that little bit more difficult.
Seeking help would just make everything a thousand times worse, throw a spanner in the works and create a maelstrom of more problems that need addressing but you can’t bring yourself to emotionally and physically deal with the fallout.
It gets to a point where you think you might have a personality disorder as you’re forever fighting yourself, splitting yourself into multiple emotions all trying to accomplish the same thing, yet simultaneously and inevitably achieve nothing.
Feeling tears form in your eyes but instantly dismissing them- convincing yourself that emotion of any sort is the ultimate weakness and to express the true nature of your being is hands down the quintessential definition of human imperfection.
You’re slowly turning to stone and the greatest version of yourself is so frail and so far away from seeing the light of day.
The clouds are gathering.
A storm is coming.